Meetings Eat Ass... Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

So the meeting started the way they always do... The Proffessors beaky face snapping at us to work harder, longer and faster. We are instructed to rush everything through.. its vital that things were done yesterday. She then tells us all that Crazy Colleague has 'once again' done the best report comment, they are 'concise, clear, parent friendly and relevant to the curriculum". So Sycophant (with a J) started sucking up and saying how WONDERFUL Crazy's comments were, and how FABULOUS it was that Proffessor gave us copies of them last year, and that it was SOOOO helpful!!

After I finished vomitting into my own mouth and refocussed they were having an indepth conversation about the Curriculum Essence Statememt. Sycophant with a J said "ohhh this is good isnt it... here on page 34... isnt it good though!!!"... and preoffessor mentioned something about a 'Gradient of sophistication". I couldnt help myself. I had to ask...

"Am I actually supposed to give a fuck about any of this"

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH spar penelope... with more spit than i would imagine a thunderbird was capable of producing.

I dont even have a lighter to set myself on fire with!!!

The puppet starts reading something out loud for all of our benefit.. does she think we cant read? n account of none of us having university degrees or anything. The Sycophant with a J decides this is a good PR move and simultaneously reads something loud off page 34 (i think its her favorite page) and as crazy utters the words "congruous to me..." i will myself to have a seizure.

I interrupt. "where do I put my students 2.1 assessments" Professor glares at me.

The new girl starts discussing the semsntics of the phrase 'English Literature". 'By english literature are we assuming that this encompasaes only English literature as in tat its from england? Cos that doesnt cover New Zealand texts really does it"

"ooohhhhhhhh Good Point" oozes sycophant with a J. Crazy Colleague ANGRILY disagrees. All of a sudden they are all animatedly discussing the semantics of the phraseology of English Literature. Is it English? Or is it British. I feel like i am in an oliver stone movie.

I suggest it might be called Anglo Saxon Literature. no one sees the humour. I go back to drawing pictures of knives.

They move on... they start arguing over Creating Meaning and Extracting Meaning. I am feeling SICK in my stomach trying to dredge up the vaguest pretence of interest or engagement in this neologistic bullshit. FARKKKKKKKKK no wonder kids hate school.

The Welshman finds a condom on the floor. I announce it isnt his... cos its not a mini one... THE PUPPET shhhhhhhhhhh's at us both... Crazy Colleague notices the condom and announces that yellow is an unsexy colour and sniffs it. Its banana flavoured! We all have a sniff. Puppet is fuming! At this point the proffessor notices how people are actually laughing so we are all given our come uppances ... too much hilarity makes her turn to dust.

I look out the window. I envy the cleaners who are cleaning the toilets... they arent in here with us. Professor asks a question and i answer it with an actual intelligent and articulate answer. Crazy Colleague then takes my idea and runs with it. She actually STOLE my idea. Sycophant with a J agreed most whole heartedly with Crazy, saying she thought it was a FABULOUS idea, i think she may have even used the word ... MAGNIFIQUE!!
Crazy is meanwhile, getting very passionate, psychotically so, even angry, about this whole thing.

So I suggersted we just throw out the curriculum and teach everything through the medium of Creative Dance. The Welshman said "that not fiar ... what about the cerebral palsy kids" We laughed. The Puppet was ready to explode with anger. I laughed. Perhaps a TAD too loudly.

I notice about now that everyone else is sitting round one lot of tables and i am at one all by myself. I wonder if it is self imposed exile or if they hate me as much as i hate them. I guess it doesnt matter.

The rest of the meeting passes pretty much as it has till now... words like 'integrate,,, interpret...recognise...edit..." Old Man suggests a glossary might be a good idea to aid in our collective understanding. Sycophant with a J says...."OHHH thats a WONDERFUL Idea".

Mentally I projectile vomit on the table. I look out the window.