ANGRY LADY YELLING...

More meetings...

2009-06-15T19:33:00.002+12:00

As I sat pondering the meeting i was in - wondering 'could this be the most boring meeting in the world' i realized of course it isnt!!!! Because I work in a profession that prides itself in outdoing itself in boring, mindless, semi comprehensible drivel. A worse one is BOUND to come up - there are 3 certainties. 1. Tax. 2. Death 3. The inevitability of the Boring Mindless Pointless meeting in my profession, and that just as you think you have hit a new low... along comes another one/
I am not even in the remotest bit interested in the drivel they shovel us in the guise of professional development. I just want time to do my reports.
I am not even a bit interested in sitting in a room with those people for any longer than i have to. For the most part, teachers are whiny 2 faced hypocrites.
The Professional Development needed in this profession is much more far reaching that they actually realize...

more on my work-mates next time.

I thought I had ranted for today...

2007-05-15T19:16:00.000+12:00

EMOS.

What the fuck?

Boo Hoo I am so tortured... Im going to dye my hair black and comb my frige onto my face and wear lots of eyeliner and cut myself cos I am sooooooo sad.

I BET THERE ARE NO EMOS IN IRAQ!!! THATS COS THEY ARE TOO BUSY TRYING NOT TO BE MURDERED!!!

Bet there are none in Somalia, or palestine.

Emos are spoilt and self centred and they are have enogh money to buy the latest trendy emo gears and the latest black and red hair dye and the latest black nail polish and the latest my Chemical Romance CD.

munny didnt love you enough?? At least she didnt sell you into a BROTHEL!!!
Daddy wasnt there?? At least you arent picking up his body parts from the KILLING fucking feilds.
your teachers dont understand yu??? BOO FUCKING HOO... get on with your free 9albeit sub standard) education and STOP YOUR FUCKING CRYING.

Itas pathetic.

whinge whinge fucking whinge.

2007-05-15T19:03:00.000+12:00

It stuns and amazes me that some people just HAVE to complain and be oppositional as a matter of course.

My profession is full of whingers. its never too early in the day or late in the evening. They whine. About everything.

'This coffee is shit'. Indeed it is Sir Whinge-A-Lot... ITS FREE!! bring in your own good coffee if it will brighten your day!

'Look at all this work on the counter... its cluttering up our work room'. ITS A FUCKING WORK ROOM SO YOU CAN WORK IN IT!! If there were NO work to do there would be NO work. Stop fucking complaining... its someone elses work... that THEY have to do... NOT you!!!!

'Why is this event so badly organised????' DID YOU ORGANISE IT? Did you OFFER to help organise it? NO??? I DIDNT THINK SO!!!!!

And they never seem to complain about the real probelms - the big deals. 'Ohhhh there are children dying of starvation in africa' or 'Ohhhh women are still being ritually circumcised' or 'America is Shitting on the world" NO no no no no!!!
Its WAY worse that someone used the wrong font size on a report, or that someone is eating in the wrong place.

Its time to stop the madness.

If you havent got something of greaqt consequence to whinge abuot... FUCK UP!!

An open letter to the Board of Trustees.

2007-04-02T21:53:00.000+12:00

To whom it may concern,
I am writing to express my unrest at the lack of closure I have had regarding my shabby treatment at the hands of your employees. I have waited for my apology, assured it would be forthcoming... but - alas - it seems its still in the post.

I understand that NZ post is often slow, so I will assume that the afforementioined apology letter is still winging its way toward me as i type.

While I wait I will just re clarify things for all our benefits.

I was accused of being a drug user... under the influence of drugs around children. i offered a blood test. The issue was dropped. NO apology.

I was accused of having an 'innapropriate' relationships with members of the PE department... I think the wording was 'younjg male staff members".My friends. Some people have dirty minds. Both of the men in question backed up that we were nothing more than friends. This issue was dropped. NO apology.

I was accused of lifting some ugly weaselly scotsmans kilt... I didnt do it. The person who did is still working for you. It was dropped. NO apology.

I was accused of arriving to a fucntion drunk with a whole group of other seemingly intoxicated adults. I arrived with my children. Who were thwe other drunk adults? Were they interrogated? I didnt think so. NO apology.

The bar was opened. I was singled out. I didnt even have money at the ball to buy a drink. And still - the little girl waits.

So - reviewing all of the above, I am sure that the apology is in the mail... or maybe I have to put something in the mail for you!

Enjoy... have a nice holiday!!

Dickheads... are they another species or just a sub species of the human race. A large sub species.

2007-03-31T16:05:00.000+12:00

Did you like the long title? Some days I just feel quite verbose.

Well - I have been in my new workplace for a good wee while now and though on the whole it is a huge improvement (staff wise) you just cant win em all and every workplace seems to have its sub species of cock suckers.

I have already alluded to Mr Fuckstick a few posts ago... and now i would like to enlighten you about a few more of the charmers in the teaching profession.

First lets talk about Fattima talofa. i call her this NEITHER because she is Arabic or Pacific Islander. I call her this because she is FAT and she WISHES she were a polynesian. She is always complaining that the kids call her a racist. A lot. And they also complain that she tells them to go on diets, while she is clearly NOT on one! She talks about Samoa all the time as if its her homeland. She is white. She is just irritating though and i can cope with that.

There is USELESS LOSER the IT guy. Our computers were all down for a WEEK!!!! My work was on thse computers... i couldnt access them in order toprint my work. And when you ask him about it he makes some lameass joke (seriously he is a cock) and no answer. Seriously - then the computers were working but the printers werent... but some computers could print to the photocopier... which wouldnt COPY anything....
I told him its a pity he couldnt do IT as well as he makes stupid jokes cos then we wouldnt be HAVIN those problems.

And every workplace has a Mr Stary Tits. You know the oldish guy who stares at your boobs when he talks to you...

But as much as I complain... its stll better than the last lot.

The Newest Atrocity....

2007-03-11T12:56:00.000+13:00

So once again these fullas stand trial and once again they are found INNOCENT! hmmm... this stinks of the OJ trial. Two of them are in prison for rape already... so my question to you is... Do people who thisk its okay to rape someone only ever do it once???

The only comfort we as a society can take from this is that the disgusting hypocrites will be dealt to... the two who are in prison now are almost definitely being sorted out by the people they put there, and Rickards... wont work as a cop again... and everyone knows who he is! if you see him in the street say hello...

Mr Fuckstick

2007-03-08T22:46:00.000+13:00

Today - at my new job - I have had my first 'I Hate you' encounter. Lets call this man Mr Fuckstick.

Mr Fuckstick is arrogant, rude and thinks his opinion is the only one that means anything. This man taught me when i was at school and he was a fuckstick then... and is indeed a fuckstick now!

Watch this space for more encounters with Mr Fuckstick. I am sure today wont be the last time!! In fact I am fairly sure that I am going to subtly do every thing I can to fuck him off.

Of course this isnt true.

There is nothing subtle about me!!!

Tis the season to ... bah humbug.

2006-12-29T11:11:00.000+13:00

I do like Christmas. I like the tree, I like the celebration, i like that i get presents, i even like buying presents for people i like.

I hate the bullshit.

In my last week in the Pit of Hell (my prior workplace) i recieved a plethora of Xmas cards in my pigeon hole, wishing me the bst for the new year, and a merry xmas, and blah blah load of shit... because at LEAST 3 of the people who put those cards in my pigeon hole wish me NO good at all.
So excuse me if i say 'tis the season to be a hypocrite and pretend to be a good person'. For fucks sake - if you are going to be an arsehole to someone all year DONT wish them well at Christmas time. be fucking consistent. I dont want your fucking card. ITS IN THE BIN! Its insulting.

I also resent the shops. Its bad enough that the capitalists have hijacked a religous celebration to make more CA$H and that there is an enormous pressure to get everyone presents (i DO like getting presents - and I quite like bying presents) BUT I CANT COPE WITH THE CROWDS OF MORONS. I tend to stay away from places where there are people en masse - on account of them generally being arrogant, rude, impatient and THICK!
And smelly. And Ugly.

And though partly i will admit that leaving my xmas shopping till the 22nd of december might be a bad idea in terms of having to go into crowded places, and deal with crownds of people - it doesnt mean i should have to stand in line with a woman covered in scabs, smelling vaguely like wee, and in front of the mMan Who Stands Too Close. Or the 'Lady' who wants to buy Ill Divo (i think thats what she said) and when told it was sold out indignantly asked 'WHY??' in a high pitched and arrogant screech 'this isnt GOOD enough... this is a MUSIC shop isnt it... where is the MANAGER?"

There was a high point - snapping an ex workmate buying his christmas porn stash in a dodgy little shop in Frankton. It took my a while to click onto why he was making such FURIOUS conversation about bookshops, but i chatted away, unaware of the sealed packages under his arm... and then it dawned on me. It was extraordinarily uncomfortable. I have NO moral objection to him wanking over porn... its just something that is a bit traumatic to think about. Its a visual image i dont need. And neither does anyone else. Having said that - or course it makes a great story!

Whaea Fucking Honky!

2006-12-06T14:37:00.000+13:00

Stop. Elaborate and listen.
Not since Vanilla Ice has there been such a white egg wanting to be a brown one. i find it SO OFFENSIVE, when honkydories like her try and ride the Brown Train.

• Boring, the 3rd episode of British sitcom The Young Ones, broadcast in 1982
• Being Boring, a single by the British pop group the Pet Shop Boys
• David Boring, the title character of Daniel Clowes's graphic novel of the same name
• Heartache Is Boring, the debut album by singer Ainjel Emme, released in 2003
• History of a Boring Town, a single by Less Than Jake
• The Boring Report, a four-part series originally broadcast on Melbourne's Channel 31
BORING. Whaea Honky and her mean little mouth

She is SO ingratioating... and fake. She really seems to think she is Gods Gift to the Indigenous People of the World.
There is nothing more arrogant than a self servicing Neo Liberal who thinks they know whats best for Maori. Even though they have not a drop of maori blood. Its insulting to everyone... and the worst thing is that most people cant see through it.

Fat Sharon

2006-12-06T14:28:00.000+13:00

GOOD GOD.
Call me old fashioned. But if your size 24 pants are so tight that yuo can see every dimple in your over ample ass, surely its time to get some size 26's.
I'm not being size-ist, be as fat as you fucking want... just put it away!
It is an afront to all sighted individuals, human and otherwise, to have to gaze upon that gargantuan mound of flesh... if we have to look at that in our workplace SURELY our sick leave or stress benefits should be increased.
And i dont know why it is... but when she eats, it makes me want to vomit on myself. At least I might lose a bit of weight this way - what did they call it in the 60's? Diversion Therapies? Look at fat slag = dont eat.
The Pro Ana's need to get some FATTIES on their website if they want to really get their message out there. Perhaps Fat Sharon has a career as a model in front of her yet!!
And its not just the pants. Her pendulous chest is barely encased in a top that, should it speak, might scream "put me out of this misery... pleeeeeeeease".
And I dont hate her cos she is fat. And Ugly.
I hate her cos she is a cunt.

I am interested...

2006-12-06T14:21:00.000+13:00

How do people who are so consistently so useless at everythnig end up with positions of responsibility and power?
It happens everywhere?
Businesses do it, our governements are FULL of idiots, and government departments are overrun with MORONS.
When i look round my workplace the 'upper echelon' is overcrowded by mongoloids. My HOD and the previous Principal aer useless, most of the management in the school are tits on a bull and the deans are - by and large - pitiful.
The woman running the transition type thing does nothing, as does the GATE coordinator.
Why?
Does anyone have an answer?
Is it becuase only useless fuckers seek out those position?
Is it because the bosses dont want smarter people than them up with them - is it because they want to control people? and dummies are easier to control!!??

Or most scarily of all.. are most people just fucking thick.

ManGranny

2006-12-05T11:33:00.000+13:00

Our senior adminsitrator (whatever that is) is a fascist. Well she tries to be. I think she eats babies in her spare time, and I am also fairly sure she is a hermaphrodite.
She looks like she came forward in time in some sort of time machine... she is almost other worldly... in a scary way rather than in a ethereal sort of exciting and exotic way.
One day i might ask her... Is it true you are a hermaphrodite? Or do you just have a penis. Only... if i were to be totally honest, I think she might hurt me and im a bit scared.

The Last Departmental!

2006-12-04T20:11:00.000+13:00

I walk in the door and Abigail pulls out a chair for me... an evil gilint in her eye. She is sitting next to the Proffessor, and this chair means that i act as a buffer. Everyone looks at me... i have no choice but to choke back the bile and sit next to the Prof.

We all got a handout. Of Library activities. That we have used for the whole time i have been there, but now they are stapled into a booklet.
The professor is stoked. The THATNKS Long and Thin for her efforts - and Sycophant tells her its WONDERful. I can't get over the fact that they are buzzing out over rehashed resources. Losers.
New Girl suggests that there is something could be added to this handout.
"yeeees... thaaaaaat would be faaaaaaaabulous" drawls Sycophant. But thats too much trouble for Long and Thin... its already gone in for copying. Ahh well.

As Professor toalks on and on and on and on and... Penelope comes in, followed closely by the Toad. How come they can be late. I guess its cos they do fuck all.

Crazy colleague starts whinging about something. As I look at her, i have this weird feeling in my stomach. I think I actually might hate her. Yes... thats definitely it... i actually hate her.

Old Man is asking for an explanation of something. Well - that put professor on the back foot, she didnt know what to say to that. So she burbled soemthing incomprehensibel that no one was listening to... i thnk my eyes started glazing over.
Actulaly Nice Man snapped me out... staring into space.

I am PULLED from my reviere by the sound of Crazy Colleague complaining LOUDLY again. I am convinced now... yes indeed i hate her A LOT. She waS taling over the Professor, who then in turn raises her voice. Merry Fucking Xmas. I wish everyone would just SHUT up. Dont they get it - if they just shut up and let The Professor talk it would be over so much quicker.

Sychophant is saying "of course of course ... its much better that way"
Who knows what she is talking about. I dont. I have no idea.

The topic changes to what do do with badly behaved kids. We are told we are NOT to throw them out under any circumstances. Crazy Colleague never throws kids out.. hardly ever. neither does The Old Man. I snort, cos I am often visited by kids who have been booted from both their classes AS WELL as from the sychophants... and just about every other person in the department. Crazy starts one of her rants about how everything she does is great and what an effective practitioner she is blah... blah... blah... she monopolises all the conversations, which is fine cos i dont want to be part of it anyway ... but i dont think anyone else does either.

Just writing this is fucking me off - i will have to finish it later.

Christmas in the Staffroom. Felize Fucking Navidad

2006-12-04T12:28:00.000+13:00

The staffroom at lunchtime.

Why? Ok so the line of people at the urn waiting for the Plain Pack instant coffee stretches across the front of the kitchen. The tea lady, who si9multaneously calls people darling, and tells them off for leaving a cup in the wrong p[lace greets her favourites. I don’t think I am one of them.
I notice the professor is doing the lean in on her prey… the poor dude. I think he made the mistake of ‘going there’ and now – because she derives all her self esteem through the attention of men (any men) she sits with them and simpers all over them. Gross. Are men stupid? Or are they just oblivious to it all?
The crazy colleague has (once again ) appointed herself “Keeper of the Tree and Anything Christmas:. What this means is that she will spend the next week stressing and yelling at people about the decorations, moaning about doing it, and finishing it (in her defence she does a good job of it, it looks superb) ONE DAY before the term finishes. At the moment she is extolling the virtues of tree decoration. It is, apparently, and art form.
As she rants on about this and that, and mutters frantically to herself, I notice that Madman is having another bad day. When Madman is having a good day, he is quite funny, and engaging. But when he has a bad day its best to step OUT of his way, lest you are hit with a flying object, as he searches out a hit of diazepam.
Satan Lady manages to float around like a weird sort of spectre – floating with an ass that size is a talent. She never seems to do anything other than float by, watching. What you are doing… who you are talking about… what you are wearing. She seems to get paid to watch… I am yet to see any evidence of any other productivity from the old cow.
Over in the Support Staff corner they are gossiping, possibly about me… or perhaps about someone else who has displeased them. The thing with them is that they are so small minded, that they cant actually formulate PROPER slander. Its all ‘look at her’ stuff. You know… 12 year old bitching. A couple of them are so large in the bottom that they are using 2 chairs. Well, one and a half really… but half a chair is no good for the rest of us!
The CommEd lady used to be really nice. But now she has developed an over inflated sense of self-importance. That’s the funny thing about people whos role is of minimal importance. They seem to have to inflate it in their own head so they feel worthy.
But they aren’t.

2006-11-27T17:32:00.000+13:00

CHAPTER ONE.

So, 2 and a half-week to go, and I will be outta here. Gone. Free. The
shackles of government-imposed slavery will be temporarily removed, and this
place will no longer feature in my consciousness. Freedom is just a fortnight
away.

So as I sit and try to get my leaving speech into some sort of sane, cohesive
order I sit and consider the last 7 years here, and try and dredge up some
positive things to say about my time in this workplace.

I remember back to when I started in this profession – I was so excited to be
working in an environment with educated and articulate individuals. In my
naiveté and relative innocence I assumed that working in the teaching profession
was going to allow me the following.
1. Working FOR the kids. I truly went into teaching hoping that I could make a
positive difference to the students I would be working with.
2. That there would be room for creative diversity within the structure to the
institution
3. That I would be working with intelligent, open minded, accepting, blah blah
blah you know how it goes.

I was wrong.

I left school thinking perhaps my overly negative attitude towards the teaching
profession was due to my own negative performance as a student. I THOUGHT that
I was to blame, and that in fact the teachers may not have been the fascist
bullies that I had labeled them. I thought that because I was a somewhat
‘willful’ child that I miay have deserved the scorn an ill treatment that I
experienced as a student in the school system.

But no.

Upon entry to the teaching ‘profession’ as a tertiary ‘trained’, education
professionally, I was to discover that the ‘bad kid’ from school had it right.
The education profession is full of nasty, self serving bullies, who are part of
a system designed to make children fit. And not only make children fit, make
its educators fit. Our job as education professionals is Social engineering.
Teach kids what to think. Not to think for themselves. Tell them what to wear
cos god forbid there should be any individuals, or free thinkers. And when you
look in our staff room you can see the success of this system, sitting in front
of you. Wearing their beige and gray clothes, sipping their coffee or tea and
discussing shit that doesn’t matter to anyone, not even to them, but it’s the
safest thing to talk about.

Its almost Orwellian in the way there are certain things that are unspoken,
unwords, unpeople. This may seem exaggerated, the ramblings of a crazy person,
perhaps they7 are… but 7 years in this place will do that to a thinking person.
Because I wont submit to Big Brother.

Back to my farewell speech. What can I say? My first day here I was the only
new teacher… and it was literally sink, or swim. So I dog paddled myself
through the first couple of years… I think I cried on average 4 out of every 5
days. You see… I was working for The Professor. And the Professor knows
everything, and tells nothing. She is the Ice Maiden, only perhaps a wee bit
colder, and she hasn’t got time to help. She is busy busy busy, but fucked if I
know with what. She has more free periods than at (insert metaphor here) and
seems to have a lot of time to sit around simpering over the male staff members
– one in particular – but more on that later. How do you thank some one who has
done nothing but cause you anguish??? I guess you don’t. Next!!

CHAPTER 2

My early days were fraught. I actually spent a good couple of years doubting my
own sanity. I felt as if I was floating in some weird nop mans land, I didn’t
fit into the staff room, but I wasn’t a kid either. It was a very very lonely
time, at least when I was hating school as an adolescent I had mates to hate it
with, there was a sense of camaraderie, that I was yet to discover in the
teaching profession. Don’t get me wrong. I had tried, and failed many times to
illicit friendships from with in the staff room. My first attempt to garner
favor was with the Principal. I approached her one-day after discussing her
with my mother, and said “I think you were at my parents wedding” expecting at
least a brief discussion on what a small world it was. Instead I got a very
terse “I doubt THAT very much”. Not one to give up (or like to be proven wrong)
I drove to my mothers, picked up the wedding photos and the next day proffered
them The Grand Witch (as she shall now be known).
No response. She just wasn’t interested. Ahh well you cant win em all. She is
one of those Neo liberals who wishes they were brown so surrounds themselves
with brown ness in the hope it will rub off (it didn’t) so I figured there was
nothing I could do about that.
So I tried Ice maiden.
“Oh Ice maiden” I said in my best conversational yet professional tone “you will
never believe what my year 11’s said”. Now before I go any further I should
make it clear I did NOT actually call her Ice maiden to her face, and I did not
believe that what I was about to utter was even remotely in the realms of
possibility.
“they told me that you and Mr Thingy are having an affair”.
This was met with icy silence. She just stared at me. Clearly she didn’t see
the funny side of this.
But I didn’t stop there did i. I kept digging.
“Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?”
Nothing.
I backed out of her room, attributing the silence to a lack of a sense of humor.
NOT THE FACT THAT IT WAS THE TRUTH.

SO I backed out of the room… slowly so not to disturb the environment any more
and left. I still didn’t know at this point that where there is smoke there is
some sort of spark… foot in mouth again. I need to learn how to not do that. I
still haven’t quite mastered the art of not saying what I think before I say it…
to my own detriment. It turns out that Ice Maiden needs a victim, and I had
just made myself it. Before me it had been someone else, and much to my relief
after 2 years of being the Ice Maidens Whipping Boy, Crazy colleague would join
the ‘team’ and I would be relieved of full time gimp duties. The funny thing... and a pertinent poiunt to make is that her victims are never men. She likes me... loves them infact. So there was the second strike against me. Not Brown enough for the Grande Witch... not man enough for Ice maiden Professor.

Sucks to be me.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

2006-11-27T17:30:00.000+13:00

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Here we go again. We are all gathered for the ministry of doom, led again by the almighty professor. Almighty. Professor. Hmmm.

I walked in late… as usual. It’s not my fault. I have duty and I am ever vigilant. I wish I was a vigilante. I wonder how well that pays… anyway…

They are mid stream about the classes for next year. The Welshman says he doesn’t want any alternative classes cos he doesn’t like thick kids. I laugh. I’m not sure if he was joking or not – but I thought it was funny. I didn’t get shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’d cos Penelope hasn’t turned up yet. I guess she must be doing some special secret puppet business somewhere. Maybe the Muppets are in town and she was at a family gathering.

Sycophant with a J is lamenting something as being ‘…terrible… really terrible… really terrible…” and when no one responded she said ‘…it’s really terrible.”

A SCREECH reminiscent of the ancient banshees cuts the already very thick atmosphere. Someone has said something that Crazy Colleague doesn’t think is funny so she is putting on a very loud, very sarcastic, and very very UGLY laugh. I actually jumped. I thought maybe ninjas had jumped in through the window, that’s how bad she sounded. Alas nothing, not so much as a ninja star, just crazy colleague, being… well … crazy.

I am quite happily being excluded from this whole conversation, allowing me to think about things. Like how yum cinnamon is in donuts. And how nice it would be to be a size 10. And about how the cat threw up on my bed last night. Alone. By myself. I feel like some sort of Lone Cowgirl.

It seems as if time is moving in slow motion. I wonder if someone slipped something into my food or if some weird universal phenomenon has occurred causing the earth to stop spinning, or at least slow down an awful lot. She is talking about reports. Is it my imagination, or does the sulphur smell get stronger in this room…?

Professor has been talking solidly for 10 minutes, only punctuated by the odd “oh yes definitely” or “oh no, not at all” by sycophant with a J. I wonder how I can be this bored without being actually dead. And I wonder how the others can not be feeling the same way.

Penelope is still not here. Yay. The Thunderbird Puppet fest must be rocking hard! And I must say – other than the crazy laughing Crazy Colleague has been uncharacteristically quiet today!

Then out of nowhere it’s all on. Sycophant with a J must have had enough of the professor cos she stood up to her over something (that I missed cos I was chewing on paper, or something else that makes time pass) and the Professor takes great joy in tearing her to shreds. But Sycophant doesn’t back down. She stands her ground. She is angry. Will she cry?? Likely! I hope so. Unfortunately it all calms down and no tears are shed, and know blows are,,, blown? Professor finishes if all off with a nice healthy dose of condescension.

I notice that Old Man and Crazy Colleague both have the same cough. I wonder if they are hooking up secretly. Gross.

Professor starts on about the Departmental tasks. Well, I have one thing to say to that. Fuck off. I’m not doing a fucking thing. No way, no how. I’m out. I’m gone. I am doing as little as possible for the rest of the year. Professor is talking about accessioning. She loves that word – accessioning this, accessioning that. Accession.
Cunt. I love THAT word.

I wonder what would happen if I yelled out BOMB.

Half an hour in and professor is still talking. On and ON and ON and ON AND ON! I am fighting off the tourettes, and I wonder when I will finally slip into the coma I am wishing for. The biscuits are yum though.

I notice the Welshman has his phone out. I get his number and text his phone …”you give head…” and crack up laughing.

There is a 3 way discussion going between the Professor, Crazy and Sycophant. So I chime in with something intelligent. I can’t remember what it was, but it must have been good cos Crazy looks shitty and Prof ignores me.

I got a text. The Welshman called me Beverly. Reminds me of someone else I know!

Why? I mean really. Why?

2006-11-06T20:48:00.000+13:00

The meeting opens with Heavy Drinker and Old Toad bleating on about fuck knows what and fuck knows why! Heavy Drinker is one of those Mid Forties women who somehow manage to get positions of responsibility and are holier than thou during the week, and drink like a fucking scarfie in the weekends. More than once I have witnessed her getting herself totally legless and throwing herself at ‘young male staff members’. But that’s sweet cos as long as you never mention it its all sweet. Old Toad is short and stout and lies about everything. She is one of those idiots who deliberately swears cos she thinks its cool, but it someone else swears, up on the high horse she goes. She is thick. A perfect example of how the public service continually promote people beyond their level of capability.

SO they open the meeting – using all the imperatives and hyperboles their 95 IQ’s can muster, we MUST do…. It is vitally important that… with great urgency… I start zoning out and my focus switches to the birds outside, as it does often in these situations. I go into bird whisperer mode and listen carefully and I am sure they are making fun of me being stuck in the beige sea, while they are outside and having fun.

Toad pulls my focus back to the front of the room. How can I take her seriously? She is mid fifties, and her pierced nose and tattoos are seriously sad. She is unintelligent, and her sun damaged skin sags off her flabby body like a rubber sack. I start getting irritated. I figure the meeting must be nearly over… I check the time. It has only been 5 minutes!! I don’t understand why I need to listen to this. All of this could have been given to us, bullet pointed on an A4.

My focus shifts again over to the other side of the room. Fat Sharon is spilling over more than her fair share of seats, and next to her Whaea Honky is chewing with her mouth wide open. Whaea Honky is one of those white neo liberals who think that cos they have been on a Marae that ‘they know what its like to be Maori”. I shit you not, she seriously seems to think she has a special brown gene – I hate wannabes more than just about everything. She shoves another great fistful of food into her great enormous mouth… that’s Waha don’t you know!!! Toady is still croaking on in the back ground and Gertrude is staring off into space in a way I recognise as unabashed boredom. Fat Sharon appears to be nodding at everything everyone says, I wonder if she is nodding cos she thinks she knows everything or if it’s the weight of her great gargantuan head on her behemoth shoulders causing the nodding motion. She really is very fat and unattractive. I wish something really humiliating would happen to her – like she would shit herself or something.

Oh no! Sycophant with a J has her hand up. Please no. We just don’t need this meeting to go down this road. Just as I start to panic The Leprechaun makes a good point. Apparantly it’s a good point. I wouldn’t know because I don’t understand a single word that comes out of his mouth.

I can feel my eyes rolling back in my head, and my barely sparking spirit is wailing inside me. If I could verbalise this sound it would be something like the weird moaning sound my hot water cylinder makes when I am trying to sleep at nigfht.

Sycophant with a J didn’t get to ask her question… but it doesn’t matter cos it would have been a stupid question anyway. I can guarantee that!

An aeroplane flies overhead. Its very loud, and sounds as if it is quite close. I imagine it crashing into this room. The thought doesn’t scare me.
I look at Man Boobs. I wonder how he ended up like that. He looks as if he may be expecting a child, and his hair appears to have never experienced shampoo. He looks like he would stink. I don’t know if he does as I choose to keep my distance.

The meeting drags on… the same words chewed up and recycled over and over and over and over and over … you get the message.

I notice Toady has a protruding old lady belly, I wonder if menopause did that – or if she always looked like that. She really is quite amphibious in her appearance, hunched, buggy eyed and stumpy. Ew.

How have I ended up in a profession so RICH with relentlessly boring and pointless shit! Some of these people are seriously so so so stupid – I assume we are all university educated, and this workplace is proof positive that university degree means less than nothing.

I fight the overwhelming urge to tip my chair all the way back over so I fall off backwards.

Someone makes a LAME ass joke about something so pathetically lame that I almost gag. And everyone laughs. Seriously – I want to scream at them ‘IT WASN’T FUNNY… FUCK YOU ALL’ and I wonder (not for the first time) if I am in The Truman Show – except its Me and not Truman – and if this is all some sick joke. Cos I promise you the joke wasn’t funny. It was lame.

Whaea Honky is looking pained. Perhaps she just realised she is white. Or ugly. Or both. She looks like the lost triplet from The Proclaimers. If you don’t know who that is do a goggle image search. I’m sure you will agree that its not pleasant.

Then Mr Mantis speaks. If I record this, I could sell it as a sleep cure for insomniacs. I know that’s a cliché, but they are called clichés cos they are true.

I reflect on my intense hunger. I wonder if I am actually hungry or just wanting food cos I am bored. Either way it doesn’t matter. So I look at Fat Sharon. I don’t want food after that. All the while I scrawl insanely in my book.

I wonder why Crazy Colleague isn’t here. Meh Who cares.

Meetings Eat Ass... Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

2006-11-06T20:44:00.000+13:00

So the meeting started the way they always do... The Proffessors beaky face snapping at us to work harder, longer and faster. We are instructed to rush everything through.. its vital that things were done yesterday. She then tells us all that Crazy Colleague has 'once again' done the best report comment, they are 'concise, clear, parent friendly and relevant to the curriculum". So Sycophant (with a J) started sucking up and saying how WONDERFUL Crazy's comments were, and how FABULOUS it was that Proffessor gave us copies of them last year, and that it was SOOOO helpful!!

After I finished vomitting into my own mouth and refocussed they were having an indepth conversation about the Curriculum Essence Statememt. Sycophant with a J said "ohhh this is good isnt it... here on page 34... isnt it good though!!!"... and preoffessor mentioned something about a 'Gradient of sophistication". I couldnt help myself. I had to ask...

"Am I actually supposed to give a fuck about any of this"

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH spar penelope... with more spit than i would imagine a thunderbird was capable of producing.

I dont even have a lighter to set myself on fire with!!!

The puppet starts reading something out loud for all of our benefit.. does she think we cant read? n account of none of us having university degrees or anything. The Sycophant with a J decides this is a good PR move and simultaneously reads something loud off page 34 (i think its her favorite page) and as crazy utters the words "congruous to me..." i will myself to have a seizure.

I interrupt. "where do I put my students 2.1 assessments" Professor glares at me.

The new girl starts discussing the semsntics of the phrase 'English Literature". 'By english literature are we assuming that this encompasaes only English literature as in tat its from england? Cos that doesnt cover New Zealand texts really does it"

"ooohhhhhhhh Good Point" oozes sycophant with a J. Crazy Colleague ANGRILY disagrees. All of a sudden they are all animatedly discussing the semantics of the phraseology of English Literature. Is it English? Or is it British. I feel like i am in an oliver stone movie.

I suggest it might be called Anglo Saxon Literature. no one sees the humour. I go back to drawing pictures of knives.

They move on... they start arguing over Creating Meaning and Extracting Meaning. I am feeling SICK in my stomach trying to dredge up the vaguest pretence of interest or engagement in this neologistic bullshit. FARKKKKKKKKK no wonder kids hate school.

The Welshman finds a condom on the floor. I announce it isnt his... cos its not a mini one... THE PUPPET shhhhhhhhhhh's at us both... Crazy Colleague notices the condom and announces that yellow is an unsexy colour and sniffs it. Its banana flavoured! We all have a sniff. Puppet is fuming! At this point the proffessor notices how people are actually laughing so we are all given our come uppances ... too much hilarity makes her turn to dust.

I look out the window. I envy the cleaners who are cleaning the toilets... they arent in here with us. Professor asks a question and i answer it with an actual intelligent and articulate answer. Crazy Colleague then takes my idea and runs with it. She actually STOLE my idea. Sycophant with a J agreed most whole heartedly with Crazy, saying she thought it was a FABULOUS idea, i think she may have even used the word ... MAGNIFIQUE!!
Crazy is meanwhile, getting very passionate, psychotically so, even angry, about this whole thing.

So I suggersted we just throw out the curriculum and teach everything through the medium of Creative Dance. The Welshman said "that not fiar ... what about the cerebral palsy kids" We laughed. The Puppet was ready to explode with anger. I laughed. Perhaps a TAD too loudly.

I notice about now that everyone else is sitting round one lot of tables and i am at one all by myself. I wonder if it is self imposed exile or if they hate me as much as i hate them. I guess it doesnt matter.

The rest of the meeting passes pretty much as it has till now... words like 'integrate,,, interpret...recognise...edit..." Old Man suggests a glossary might be a good idea to aid in our collective understanding. Sycophant with a J says...."OHHH thats a WONDERFUL Idea".

Mentally I projectile vomit on the table. I look out the window.

Just because you are a fuckwit... doesn't mean I have PMT!

2006-06-21T18:23:00.000+12:00

I am often accused of having PMT. Sometimes i do, sometimes people are just fuckwits!!

I am not an unreasonable persn, I will try and look at things from other peoples point of view, but Im not keen on sticking my head up my own arse, so I leave some peoples wanking points of views to themselves.

Like those people who start a racist diatribe with "well I'm not racist, but...". Hmmm, my husband has a saying, something along the lines of "everything before but is bullshit". They may as well be saying..."im not racist but I hate (insert any group that is appropriate)..." Stupid fucks. I would much rather they say "im ignorant and racist and this is what i think" ... ,much easier to deal with!

And how about people who cry on your shoulder for hours and hours and ask your opinion and you give it to them, and then they totally ignore you, only to come back for round two of the blub fest. Fuck off and cry one someone elses shoulder... if you dont give a fuck enough to cheange it... neither do I. And these idiots seem to think I have infinite patience for their inane bullshit. i dont. i dont give a rats ass. I am very low on the patience richter scale. Why is Fuck Off seen as offensive, when in some instances it is good advice!

You know what else fucks me off?? People who try and make me guess who it is on the phone ...
Me; Hello
them; HI
Me; Whos this
them: Guess

click.

I hate Cigarette smoking. And especially people who think they are cool for doing it. And i dont just mean kids, i mean those uber trendy yuppy types who sit in the granite and steel bars, smoking out the windows cos they are oh so sophisticated. Fuck off with your tar you losers. And then... then just to add insult to injury throw cigarette butts on the ground. They are just fricking pigs.

And why do people that type "O I C" "PLZ" and "THNX" instead of "oh, I see", "please" and "thanks" and claim that it saves them time. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. if you are stupid and illiterate, just admit it. You sould like much less of a wanker if you are just dumb.

And I dont think its too much to expect gangs to develop their won identitiies. I mean I know they are in gangs cos they are morons, but stealing your identity from the lowest of the low in american society (not quite as low as the bush admininstration) is taking things to an all time low. Westside, eastside, fucking arse side wanking gang shit. Its pathetic. Nest thing It will Be the Shizzy Nizzle Bush-jizzle.

I hate people who draw all over other peoples places. tagging sucks and 99 times out of 100 its ugly and talent free. Get a colouring book moron. Its not me, my PMT has nothing to do with the fact that you are a talent free zone!

Nor does my PMT regulate the fact that I detest people vomiting near me. Fuck off and vomit soemwhere else. Away from me. Anywhere. Do a Jimi Hendrikse as far as i am concerned, but its NOT my fault you are sick, so why should I see / hear / smell it!

I hate 2 faced gutless arseholes who are to fucking chicken shit to say what ever they need to say to your face. Grow a backbone or keep your pathetic whiny shit head mouth shut.

Im impatient. Waiting annoys me. Waiting in line, on hold, in traffic, for the ads to finish, for the water to heat up, for whiny fucks to get out of my face with their suggestions as to how i could do things better. I appreciate your input, fuck you very much.

I hate weak coffee.

And i hate being told I have PMT.

Where Has Sisterhood gone?

2006-04-24T19:43:00.000+12:00

I was watching TV as i do - from that lovely comfy place on the couch that has moulded to fit me like the proverbial glove.

We dont have a remote so until one of the teenagers come into the room I am stuck watching music videos (which will be the subject of the next YELL).

Pink has a semi new song out called Stupid Girls. I watched the video - and listened to the song... and I am quite impressed for 2 reasons.
1. It makes fun of things I hate. (always a good start) For example... well ... stupid girls.
2. It encourages girls to be more than what our current media tells us girls should be. And that is good.

I was stoked.

The only thing that bothered me... a wee bit... was that though the girls the song is ridiculing those ridiculous creatures... its still girls dissing girls.

I accept that this is a start and that some stand is better than no stand, but instead of asking why some girls are so stupid, and why we dont have a Woman president, we need to ask some of the 'Powers The Be' why the STUPID BOYS ARE RUNNING THE WORLD. If its ok to be a stupid boy, and you can have all the power in the world, why will this not work for girl.

Here is the answer. BECause feminism has lost its puff. A lot of people see feminism as extreme man hate, or as irrelevant because 'surely we are equal now'.
As women we are STILL on the back foot. We still have to work twice as hard to do half as well, no matter how qualified and competent we are.

If you are in any doubt that we need to re embrace Feminism and the idea of sister hood, just look at domestic violence statistics. Look at the work of Amnesty international who are campaigning against killings and disappearances of young women and girls of Ciudad Juarez and Chihuahua, Mexico, violence against women in Guatemala, systematic rape of women and girls in Darfur, Sudan.

Certainly these atrocities aren't happening in our backyards, but they are happening, and by being silent, we are complicit. We become accessories to the rape, disfigurement, torture and murder of hudreds and thousands of women every year.

Even in our day to day dealings, how often do you hear other women tearing each other apart? We criticize each others clothes, bodys, hair, voices... and this isnt teenaged girls I am referring to. I am talking about educated, intelligent women who are so insecure as to their place / role in society that the easist thing to do is to create a role by tearing down others.

Its time to reclaim sisterhood. Do it in baby steps if the F word scares you. Just be nice to each other. Dont be so quick to demonise fat chicks, dont tell old women that they cant wear mini skirts, wear make up if you want to, dont wear it if it makes your face feel like shit. Be the woman YOU are... and support other womens right to be who they are!

If someone pisses you off, give them respect of saying it to their face, dont backbite and bitch about her behind her back!

Bring back sisterhood!! Don't let the years of work the generations of feminists before us did go to waste!!

Emrace being a woman in yourself, and in each other!!

Fin

Scientology? Come on now!

2006-04-22T17:17:00.000+12:00

Ok so Issac Hayes has quit his role on South Park due to "intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others".

Interesting. The whole premise of south park is intolerance and bigotryy. I notice he didnt quit when they were making fun of retarded kids, asians, homosexuals, jesus, satan, americans, fat people, starving africans, catholics, native americans, ginger haired kids, steven hawking, et al.

SO in my estimation Issac Hayes is not quitting south park because of intolerance and bigorty to anyone other than himself. A Scientologist.

So if it is ok to be intolerant and bigoted (see; make fun out of...) anything other than Scientlogy - does that not equate bigotry all of its own.

Hang on lets check ; Bigotry - as defined by Onelook - online dictionary (hows that for lazy...) noun: the intolerance and prejudice of a bigot. Hmmmmm so a bigot then... noun: a prejudiced person who is intolerant of any opinions differing from his own

This would make Issac Hayes a bigot. He has been part of a show that is open and honest about the fact that anyone is a target... and i would argue makes fun of bigotry... and has never made any compaint, infact has had a career resurgence BECAUSE of this show, until they said something that HE didnt like.

Scientology. Excuse me for being INTOLERANT or BIGOTED but here is my opinion - as a woman!

Some central beliefs of Scientology:

Humans evolved from clams, and still retain many emotional problems caused by early stages of evolution

WELL... this would explain a lot of the men i have met in my life... in fact people in general. So this I could probably just about buy... except how did we end up inside out??

A person is an immortal spiritual being (termed a thetan) who possesses a mind and a body.

Goodness - this is extraordinarly insightful... Im surprised no one thought of this earlier.

The thetan has lived through many past lives and will continue to live beyond the death of the body.

A thetan?? Really??

A person is basically good, but becomes "aberrated" by moments of pain and unconsciousness in his or her life.

What is true for you is what you have observed yourself. No beliefs should be forced as "true" on anyone. Thus, the tenets of Scientology are expected to be tested and seen to either be true or not by Scientology practitioners.

And if NOT then you are no longer a scientology practitioner ... but you have stil spent a shitload of money getting to this point of 'realisation.

My biggest gripe regarding scientology, at this point in time comes from the highly publicised birth of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes tiny Thetan.

"Sceintoligy states that the delivery room should be as silent as possible during birth. This stems from his belief that birth is a trauma that may induce "engrams" into the baby. Hubbard teaches that words in particular should be avoided because he stated that any words used during birth might be reassociated by an adult, later on in life, with their earlier traumatic birth experience. Hubbard also wrote that the mother should use "as little anaesthetic as possible". According to Hubbard, babies should not be bathed after birth, but should be wrapped up tightly and left alone for a day or so. Also, Hubbard wrote that breastfeeding should be avoided. As an alternative, Hubbard offered a potentially unsafe concoction, which he called the "Barley Formula".

Hubbard was not a medical doctor, nor a pediatrician, nor a trained nutritionist. He received no college training in neo-natal care, or infant care. His claims regarding the care of babies and infants are disputed by many doctors and other professionals. Patricia Devine, MD, a maternal-fetal medicine specialist who directs the Labor and Delivery Unit at Columbia University Medical Center, said, "There's absolutely no scientific evidence that taking [noise] away at the time of delivery will have any effect on outcome for the baby or mother."

STICK A WATERMELON IN HUBBARDS ARSE, HAVE METAL HOOKS INSERTED INTO EVERY MUSCLE IN HIS BODY AND PULL, AND TELL HIM TO BE QUIET. TELL HIM TO HAVE NO PAIN RELIEF, AND TELL HIM NOT TO SCREAM 'GET THIS THING OUTTA ME"
Until he has managed this - he should shut the fuck up!!

thats all for now.

America voted in George Bush.

2006-04-21T13:18:00.000+12:00

There are many things I would like to - and will - say about this phenomenon (until i get too busy to find the time to write these) but for today I think this says it all.

Incidentally...

2006-04-21T13:06:00.000+12:00

Today Doctor Phil is talking about debt and bankrupcy!

I wonder what Alanis Morrissette would make of that!

Doctor Phil. What a man.

2006-04-20T17:09:00.000+12:00

So my teenaged daughters and I are home from school - on holiday, and since we are financially impeded at the moment we are home pretty much all the time.

I was taking the opportunity to read crappy novels in my room and my children were being entertained by daytime television.

Apparantly Doctor Phil told them I am overprotective.

DOCTOR PHIL SAID I AM OVERPROTECTIVE.

Doctor phil doesnt know me... he doesnt live in my neighbourhood, but DOCTOR PHIL SAYS I AM TOO OVERPROTECTIVE.

Lets back up here... Doctor Phil. WHO? WHAT? WHY???????

http://www.drphil.com/shows/page/bio/ check out his bio and his webpage if you are interested... but take my word for it - its not gripping reading.

Basically he (Doctor P) gets people to share their problems on TV for the entertainment of people all over the world. They cry, he gives advice.
They sniff and thank Doctor Phil and he gets rich.

My question to doctor Phil is - Have you lived in a Ghetto? Have you lived on the bones of your ass? Have you had to work 2 jobs to make ends meet?

The news I have for someone like Doctor Phil is that there are more people living in poor or dificult situations than there are lving like he does...

SO good intentiions and in some instances good advice aside... Doctor PHil needs to take his own advice and get real.

In rich white suburbia overprotective means something quite different to the ghettos that he doesnt live in.

I am not over protective... I have seen some of the real world... protective yes, but if i wasnt, doc phil would be telling me I am neglectful.

Am i right? OR AM I RIGHT?

What makes us grown up?

2006-04-19T22:15:00.000+12:00

WELL... i could bitch and whine about this one for ages.

What makes a grown up? Is it age? Is it responsibility? Is it the ability to backstab and bullshit and wear tracksuits combined with gold jewellery and cut your hair into a bob?

One might infer from the tone of the above that I have an axe to grind about what is valued in this society in terms of being an adult.

So I was at work last week - i work at Unnamed Secondary School - and i was told off, for laughing too loudly in a public place.

I SHIT YOU NOT! Apparantly its not professional.

I responded with the assertion that the several staff members who were fucking each other behind their partners backs were hardly icons of proffessionalism - however that fell on deaf ears, and i considered myself told off... and laughed loudly on my way out of the office.

It got me to thinking... is it just my workplace or is it everywhere.

Indeed I work with a shitload of fucktards, but after discussing this at length, many of my friends from many walks of life it seems that this is the status quo.

I have decided it is everywhere, and its time to make a change.

I am an educated, articulate woman in my latter 30s . I work hard, am married and have well functioning children.
I have no visible tattoos, and have no longer any extraneous peircings.

I get frowned at an ignored in posh lady shops and followed by store detectives just about everywhere i go. I truely dont know why I am so offensive to the 'average joe and jane' but what ever it is, I think its time to give them their own back.

SURE... I dont act like a 'grown up'. I react to arseholes, I do laugh loudly. I detest injustice, and I cant abide bullshit. And it seems to me that this contradicts every thing being an adult in modern western society is. (i know - poor sentence structure... im tired).

SO what to do?

I urge anyone who might be reading this - never let go of the kid inside... cos it seems to me that all being an adult really entails is being the result of a kid who has been fucked over and crushed by society.

Go climb a tree.
Go fly a kite.
Have a water fight.
Laugh loudly.

But maybe I am over reacting. I'm told I do that.